I miss you.

I just want you here so badly. Fuck. It’s 3am and you’re sleeping whilst I’m sobbing. I just cant get rid of you, i fucking cant get you out of my damn head. You’re everywhere, in every part of me like a skin disease or a cancer in my blood. You’re stuck to me even though you’re supposed to be fucking gone. Oh I’m so scared, so fucking scared that you’re doing fine and I’m still stuck on the same page. Why do i still think we’ll get back together? Why the fuck do i think that? You’re not coming back, are you? You’re never coming back. And i know that but i cant accept it. And the teddy you bought me for valentines day is at the top of my wardrobe because i chucked it out of anger, and now I’m afraid I’ll never get it down, and I’m afraid you’re always gonna be here.. In my mind. It’s fucking 3am, and I’m typing this text even though I’m not gonna fucking send it. I just wanna be numb, i just want you gone. I’m sick of you creeping up on me whenever i hear the songs we liked, or i close my eyes and i see your eyes. I just fucking miss you. Why did you leave? I’m a wreck, I’m a mess. And oh i need you, and oh fuck i still love you. I still fucking love you.